The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Archive for May 2014

Drinker threatened man with Creme Egg

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On the day that pinstripe-boned fuckwit Nigel Farage was egged in Nottingham by a protester, he should just count himself lucky he wasn’t anywhere near Cambridge and this confectionery-wielding eggy menace.

Cambridge News, 22 January 2014 (story):

Drinker threatened man with Creme Egg 

A drunk man who brandished a creme egg as a weapon in Cambridge is due to be sentenced next month.

Michael Hampson, 34, of Maitland Avenue, Cambridge, pleaded guilty at Cambridge Magistrates’ Court on Monday to harassing people in the city centre on consecutive days last week.

Paul Brown, prosecuting, told the court:  “Then the next day he went up to a member of the public, Charlie Russell, on Mill Road at around 12.45pm and went to block his path. Hampson said to him, ‘Where I come from we kill people for a living’.

“Hampson was brandishing a bottle and he lifted it up towards Mr Russell and said, ‘I will glass anyone who disrespects me’.

“He then showed Mr Russell a Cadbury Creme Egg and said he would smash him in the face with it and that he will splatter Creme Egg all over his head.

“He then tried to shake Mr Russell’s hand – and said he was being disrespectful because he was wearing gloves.”

Mr Russell eventually got away and called the police.

Officers found Hampson in possession of a full bottle of Desperados beer and a Cadbury Creme Egg.

A bottle of Desperados and a Creme Egg is a revealing choice of daytime feast for a man who kills people for a living. You’ll want to keep an eye out for that particular combo next time you’re selecting a park bench on your dinner break.

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Written by Paddy

May 1, 2014 at 6:15 pm

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