The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Children left upset as pumpkins go missing

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Are there any depths to which humanity will not sink?

Isle of Man Examiner, 27 September 2013 (story):

Children left upset as pumpkins go missing

Children at Scoill Phurt le Moirrey have been left bemused and upset after three pumpkins they were enjoying seeing grow disappeared.

The largest, about 19 inches in diameter, was going to be used at a harvest festival tomorrow (Friday) in Port St Mary. On Tuesday school caretaker Steve Shepherd discovered they had been taken.

Head teacher Sue Mowle said: ‘Pupils have been left learning a lesson about the effects of what may be a crime.

pupmkinthheft

‘The pumpkin has been grown and nurtured with the intention of taking pride of place in the school’s harvest celebrations which culminate with a harvest service in St Mary’s Church on Friday.

‘Following that service, the flesh of the pumpkin was due to be offered to a cafe for use in their soups and pies while the shell was destined to be used later next month for Hop-tu-naa celebrations organised by the parents, teachers and Friends’ Association.

‘Instead, children are now discussing the effect crime can have on its victims. One of the younger pupils optimistically suggested that maybe the giant pumpkin was needed by Cinderella for a coach. Let’s hope that is the case.’

Police constable Robin Arnold said: ‘While this is not the crime of the century, it has had a negative impact on a group of young primary school kids.’

Yes, head teacher Sue Mowle, figure of authority and respect, let’s hope it was the case that the giant pumpkin was needed by Cinderella for a coach… rather than it being the case that the giant pumpkin was devoured at the Mowle family dinner table. Hmmm? Hmmmmmmm? It was definitely either the head teacher or the caretaker. Some people have no shame.

Whoever did it, they’re a brave person to take on these fierce-faced schoolchildren. Just look at the facial venom of that one on the far right. And is he clenching his fists inside his sleeve? No messin’.

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Written by Paddy

October 16, 2013 at 7:02 pm

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