The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

The grass is always shorter on the other side

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To the suburbs of Nottingham, where the residents refuse to let the grass grow under their feet. But concerned residents Bill and Sylvia Fenton’s lives have been turned upside down since finding themselves victims of the most brutal aspects of the coalition government’s austerity agenda.

They may not have been driven out of work or had their benefits cut to the point of starvation but, worse, they have faced the degradation and humiliation of having longer grass than their neighbours across the street as a result of cuts to local authority budgets.

Nottingham Post, 12 June 2013 (story):

Carlton couple return from holiday to find grass by their street cut to different lengths

A PAIR of bemused Carlton pensioners returned from holiday to find patches of grass on either side of their street cut at completely different lengths.

Bill, 65, and Sylvia Fenton, 67, of Shelford Road, Carlton, were baffled when they were told it was because one side of the road, at the junction with County Road, is managed by Notts County Council while the other is looked after by Gedling Borough Council.

grasslengths

A month later, the 75-square-metre space outside the Fentons’ house has been left to grow up to 12 inches long while the other side has been cut again.

“It feels like it’s not on their list of things to do,” said Bill. “We just don’t feel like we’re getting the service we pay for. I drove through Burton Joyce yesterday and all the patches of grass look like billiard tables.”

If you want to look at a billiard table then get down to your local working mens’ club and put your 50p on the side of the table like the rest of us, you human lawnmoaner.

There are some astonishing local authority grass facts in the rest of the report.

Both councils said grass is cut purely for safety reasons, not to make the surrounding area look nice.

Gedling Borough Council cuts its grass areas 14 times a season, between March and October, compared to Notts County Council, which cuts five times between April and September.

Dave Walker, the county council’s district highways manager for Gedling, said: “The county council is responsible for cutting more than 5,000 kilometres of grass verge right across the county. There was a delay starting this year due to bad weather which, unfortunately, also helps the grass to grow that bit quicker.”

The county council also added that cost plays a part in the number of times grass is trimmed and that grass grows at varying speeds in different areas, depending on the soil.

And that’s your grass facts, for now.

Thanks to Paul Forster for picking out this press cutting.

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Written by Paddy

September 10, 2013 at 10:31 am

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