The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Archive for June 2013

The great Louth Leader giveaway, vol. 5

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The Nether Regions was there in the early days when the Louth Leader began wooing its Lincolnshire readership with a vast array of free gifts each week. Since then, the population of this utopian market town has inevitably mushroomed. Nothing sells quite like free goodies, and this means a copy of the Louth Leader is now stronger than the pound itself.

It began with snacks, but gradually the giveaways began to take care of every aspect of your existence. We had necklaces, we had bath bombs. What came next?

Teacakes and sweets!



Queasy sausage rolls!


Hand-held muffins from former chief whip Andrew Mitchell of ‘plebgate’ fame!


This gluttony is too much. It’s surely time to feed Louth something a bit more healthy…


He’s back again…! (N.B. Slightly more clean shaven.)


Now that we’ve balanced the diet, the locals could do with winding down slightly.

Nothing better than a film…


…followed by another bath…


…but not before you’ve wiped your feet, cooked the tea, and put up those new blinds…




See you on the next bus to Louth.

To be continued.


Written by Paddy

June 25, 2013 at 11:06 am

Posted in Free goodies

The diners proceeded to try to eat around the phallus

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A business dinner with ‘key members of a pharmaceutical company’ might not sound like a barrel of laughs, but you can always cling to the hope that the restaurant might serve you up a massive cock and balls.

Sevenoaks Chronicle, 14 February 2013 (story):

‘It’s not our produest moment’ admits eatery

WHEN staff at a Chinese restaurant served a saucy dish at an important business dinner, the reaction was decidedly sour.

Diners, including Sevenoaks resident Ashley Strong, were stunned at being presented with a giant carrot and seaweed dish resembling a man’s genitalia.


Now the owner of the eatery – Ming near Borough Green – has apologised after the prank backfired.

Key members of a pharmaceutical company were meeting their biggest client last Thursday night when they were presented with the bizarre starter.

Ms Strong, of Mill Pond Close, was one of the group of 11, but when they ordered eight set Peking meals from the menu to share, instead of a full 11, she claimed staff took offence and added the shocking centrepiece to their table.

Ms Strong, a director of the Larkfield firm, explained: “Most of the time in Chinese restaurants they do table decorations carved out of vegetables, like flowers, or ducks – something tasteful.

“But when our food arrived, we got something different.”

Ming staff had taken a large carrot, standing upright in the middle of a dish of mixed hors d’oeuvres, with seaweed arranged around it, to depict a man’s private parts.

“There was no question what it was meant to be,” Ms Strong.

“It had all the anatomy. We were absolutely shocked – it was so inappropriate.”

Embarrassed, the diners laughed awkwardly and proceeded to try to eat around the phallus.

“We didn’t say anything because we didn’t want to make a big fuss when we had our biggest client with us,” Ms Strong said.

Not to mention the ‘biggest client’ in the middle of the table, right lads!!!!?!

Whilst prepared to offer an apology of sorts to these po-faced pharmaceutical fucks, the restaurant boss pledges to continue serving up the goods. Hats off.

Ken Wong, manager of Ming Restaurant, denied that the decoration was in response to the table ordering for eight.

“We wanted to make them happy, I am sorry they were embarrassed.

“If they come back I will tell the chef not to do it again, though we will keep doing it for other parties, and special occasions like new year and Valentine’s Day.”

Ms Strong said she will never return to Ming after her firm’s embarrassing experience.

A real cock and balls story.

Written by Paddy

June 14, 2013 at 2:53 pm

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