The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Whitby: joggers and dog owners not welcome

with one comment

The letters page of the Whitby Gazette is a reliably wonderful festival of misanthropy. Serving as a weekly noticeboard of human hatred, nearly every issue of the paper sees someone publicly attacking their fellow Whitby residents for crimes committed in the course of everyday life.

Whitby Gazette, 5 January 2011:

Joggers should have their own stretch of beach

I would like to open a debate about joggers having their own stretch of beach. Possibly, the area near to the west extension when the tide is in.

Not only do joggers expect all other human beings to either step aside, fall down, or jump over the cliff in order to clear their path, but they assume deafness to a happy ‘good morning’ and blindness to a smile, and at the risk of running out of sync, a kick in the ribs to the dog.

Oh yes dear reader, I am a dog owner and also, as it happens, like seagulls!

Miss P Smithson, Upgang Lane, Whitby

For those of you not intimately familiar with the geography of Whitby beach, the ‘area near to the West extension when the tide is in‘ would not be ideally suited for jogging, as this picture  demonstrates. Hats off to Miss Smithson for publicly calling for the death of all joggers.

News just in: Dog owners have shit for brains!

Whitby Gazette, 12 January 2011:

Littering with dog mess

It never ceases to amaze me to see dog owners pick up their dog mess in a plastic bag and proceed to throw it up a tree or into the hedge back.

Not only littering with dog mess, but also with plastic. All I can say is the contents of the plastic bag is equal to what is keeping their ears apart.

Mal Greenley, the man with the white lurcher, Helredale Road, Whitby

More news just in: Dog owners deliberately make children go blind!

Whitby Gazette, 26 January 2011:

Clean up after your dogs

May I, through the Whitby Gazette, thank the person (and I know who you are), for allowing your dog to leave a large ‘deposit’ on the path outside my house this morning (Tuesday 25 Jan).

As a thank-you to you, I have informed the dog fouling authorities and you should be receiving a visit from the Dog Warden in due course.

The responsibility of looking after a dog is no different to looking after a young child. You have to feed it and clean up after it. If you are not willing or prepared to clean up its mess, then you shouldn’t have it in the first place. You are totally irresponsible and should be ashamed of yourself. Toxoplasmosis is a disease which is passed to humans via dog faeces and can cause blindness. It is extremely dangerous for children and pregnant women. Many children play on the two grassed play areas on Queen’s Drive and frequently go home with dog faeces either on their shoes or on their clothing. These are children’s play areas. If they were designated dog walking areas, they would have dog litter bins in situ.

On a final note. To those of you who fail to pick up your dog’s mess whilst walking it on or near the grass at the bottom of Queen’s Drive, I will not hesitate to report you. Enough said.

Mrs Ward, Queens Drive, Whitby

Local newspapers: truly the lifeblood of any community.


Written by Paddy

February 9, 2011 at 7:08 pm

One Response

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  1. I think you are being unnecessarily harsh on Miss Smithson, a woman after my own misanthropic heart.


    February 9, 2011 at 7:21 pm

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