The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

A Christmas visit from the ‘House Doctor’

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Christmas is a period of warmth and happiness, uniting communities up and down the land with love and festive cheer.

But apart from all that, Redcar’s bitter neighbourly disputes continue every year without interruption; and let’s face it, that’s going to be far more entertaining.

Middlesbrough Evening Gazette, 15 November 2007:

Redcar Christmas lights under fire again from “House Doctor”

AN ANONYMOUS self-proclaimed “House Doctor” has re-emerged in Redcar to criticise Christmas lights displays.

The Gazette first reported in 2004 how letters from the “House Doctor” criticised as “tacky, common and cheap” festive lights on several houses on Redcar’s Mickledales estate. Residents hit back at the “cowardly” scribe.

Now it seems the writer may have returned, after a letter from the “House Doctor” arrived by post at a house in the Castle Road area.

It was received by a couple who for the past 10 years have added a colourful festive display to the exterior of their home.

But this year their preparations have been soured by the letter, which shows a November 5 postmark, and criticises the “vulgar” lights as an “annual disgrace” and an “eyesore”. The writer also claims residents are “appalled by the stupidity of it” adding all that is missing is the “loud and raucous” music from a “garishly painted showman’s ride”.

Personal comments are also made in the letter, which has saddened the couple.

The female occupant of the house, who asked not to be named, said: “It’s left us really upset. My husband has not been well.”

The ‘House Doctor’ clearly feels such a burning sense of responsibility towards the community that he or she simply cannot allow abstract festive notions like ‘goodwill to all men’ to prevent them from upholding the fundamentals of housing estate aesthetics.

Hats off, I say. A sustained campaign of anonymous letter-writing is clearly the most efficient means of communicating the truth to a mass audience.

But I bet this anonymous House Doctor didn’t bargain for the residents writing back:

A response has also been penned to the “House Doctor” which defends the couple and describes the critic as a “cowardly Scrooge”.  It adds: “This is not a reasoned objection, it is a character assassination. Our lights will go up this year and may bring a smile to some lives, if not yours.”

Both letters have been put on display in a bus stop near the couple’s home and in the window of a nearby newsagent’s shop.

Neighbours support the couple. One said: “People around here are really mad about the letter criticising the lights. We’re all wondering who wrote it.”

The full versions of both letters can be read at the bottom of the article itself.

Merry Christmas Bah humbug to all readers of The Nether Regions.

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Written by Paddy

December 20, 2010 at 3:02 pm

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