The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Cows make amok-ery

with 2 comments

If you’re in the Sunderland area, watch out…

Thanks to Laura Hammal.

As usual, the local newspaper industry’s most cherished demographic – the ‘drunk yobs’ – get the blame for this act of bovine liberation. No doubt it was an unruly herd of students making their way home from a violent tuition fees demonstration.

Personally, I consider setting free cattle to be a legitimate form of public protest. Direct action is the only option in these desperate times.

6 November 2010:

A FARMER today told of the nightmare he faced after yobs set 135 of his bullocks free and sparked a huge round-up across South Tyneside. One bullock was still missing today and seven have died of shock.

It was initially feared fireworks had spooked the animals, but farm owner Robin Shield today said he believes it was a drunk who opened the cattle shed and set them free.

He said: “The bullocks have just come off their mother’s milk on Wednesday, so they tend to cry a little as they’re being weaned. My guess is some drunk has heard the noise, jumped over the wall and opened the shed.”

Acting Sergeant Reg Atkinson said there were initially 30 officers trying to track down the animals.

He said: “We do get the odd escaped horse or cow in the wrong place, but never anything like this.”

Never anything like this!

Well now you’ve got the fight of your life on your hands, Acting Sergeant Reg Atkinson.


Written by Paddy

December 8, 2010 at 1:30 pm

2 Responses

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  1. The old Daily Telegraph used to have a strict rule (so it was claimed) that only Malays could run amok – so unless these were cattle from Mooala Lumpur, the were just running around.

    Martyn Cornell

    December 8, 2010 at 11:50 pm

  2. “One bullock was still missing today and seven have died of shock.”
    There’s a wordplay joke in there somewhere isn’t there?

    Micahel Laverick

    December 9, 2010 at 12:21 am

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