The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Paedogeddon in Bromley

with 7 comments

Trying to think of reasons to object to a planning application to convert a house into a nursery? Traffic, obviously… Noise, of course… And sod it, throw in paedophiles for good measure.

Back with a vengeance: ANGRY residents. How we have missed you.

Thanks to Tabloid Watch for the photo.

Bromley News Shopper, 31 October 2010 (story):

ANGRY residents are campaigning against a house being turned into a nursery because they fear it will increase noise and traffic and could attract paedophiles.

Sunnyfields Day Nurseries Ltd has applied to Bromley Council for permission to turn residential house number 5 Pickhurst Park in Bromley into a nursery for up to 52 children. Around 30 people living nearby have written to the council and more than 140 have signed a petition to oppose the application.

Mum-of-two Natalie Rooney, aged 30, said: “We think there will be traffic problems because of all the parents dropping off and picking up their children.

“We think there will be noise problems because the children will be playing outdoors. We are also worried that paedophiles will be attracted to the area to be close to the nursery.”

Shariff and Hussaina Syed, aged 69 and 61, live next door to number 5, and they fear paedophiles could move into the flats overlooking the property to be close to the children.

Mrs Syed, 61, said: “There are flats overlooking and people could move in there and watch the children. It is a possibility it could happen.”

But why stop at paedophile possibilities? (Now there’s a question.) It is a possibility that rumours of a new ‘nursery’ in the area could attract wayward gardeners, who are, frankly, always very annoying.  It is a possibility the conversion work may involve wolf-whistling builders. It is a possibility one of the nursery tots could strap themselves up with explosives and detonate youthful carnage in the playground, causing minor damage to residents’ vehicles parked nearby.

THESE are the objections the residents should be raising if they’re serious about defeating this nursery application.

While we’re here: shame on the Bromley News Shopper‘s sub-editors for resorting to Daily Express headlines in order to try and shift copies.


Written by Paddy

November 15, 2010 at 12:13 pm

7 Responses

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  1. In other news:
    Will nice Jewish family moving in attract NAZIS?
    Will violin teacher attract NIGEL KENNEDY?


    November 15, 2010 at 12:34 pm

  2. So unless they want to BAN nurseries, they don’t have a problem with Paedos, as long as targeted nurseries aren’t in their neighbourhood.

    I see.

    Paul Gadd

    November 15, 2010 at 1:56 pm

  3. There’s a rule in journalism that says: “If any headline ends in a question mark, the answer to that question will always be an emphatic ‘No’.”

    Terry Collmann

    November 16, 2010 at 3:57 pm

  4. @Paul Gadd, yeah, that was my first impression. Hm, wait…

    NIMBYs hate paedos;
    NIMBYs think nursery will attract paedos;
    Build nursery in a VOLCANO.

    Problem solved. Plus, it’ll appease the Volcano god Pele.


    November 17, 2010 at 4:44 pm

  5. That’s odd, I thought Pele was the god of football and Viagara.

    And this story isn’t a case of NIMBYs, but more a case of NIMYBs (‘Not in my young boys’).

    And that’s the paedophilarious humour, for now.


    November 17, 2010 at 8:34 pm

  6. We’ve had objection letters to play areas in our planning department on the grounds that “they’ll attract paedos”.

    And who are the people holding children captive in the photo from the newspaper? Sick. Some people.


    November 17, 2010 at 10:19 pm

  7. Scaremongering at its best. Once again proves that the answer to any question posed in a headline is ‘no’.


    November 25, 2010 at 3:24 pm

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