The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Worms in the news…

with 2 comments

…it simply doesn’t happen enough.

Dunfermline Press, 29 October 2010 (story):

Harry’s war on the worms!

A ROSYTH gardener fears he may never win his war against an invasive garden pest – despite killing more than 3000 of them at his allotment in eight years.

Harry Boyle (78), Mitchell Walk, is attempting to rid his plot of the New Zealand flatworm. The creatures feed on the common earthworm resulting in reduced soil quality.

Harry has had his plot at Rosyth allotments, King’s Road, for 40 years but only noticed the ugly little worms in 1998.

In 2002 he decided to keep a tally of all those he killed.

This tallying of victims is a classic trait of a cold-blooded serial killer. It starts with worms, but who next? One look into these piercing, deadened eyes, and there can be little doubt it will soon be the other allotment holders:

Scientific fact alert: if you can breed canaries, you can count flatworms no bother!

He said, “I used to breed canaries for 30 years so counting flatworms is no bother.

“I fill a diary in each day and I’ve killed 10 today!

So far he has killed 3100 of the flatworms but remains puzzled as to why they continue to blight his plot despite his single-minded efforts to destroy them.

This is exactly how Nazi Germany started.

Wiggly thanks to Ian McColville for turning the soil of this story in his local paper.


Written by Paddy

November 9, 2010 at 11:46 am

2 Responses

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  1. I hear he is aiming to make a suit from the skin of the worms. And he also dances around with his willy and balls tucked in to make a manjina.

    It puts the lotion on its skin.

    Buffallo Bill

    November 9, 2010 at 1:11 pm

  2. He should train the army of canaries he has bred over 30 years to eat / maim the worms.

    If the birds were to record their kill counts individually, he could simply maintain a centralised log, thus saving himself some of the day to day bother.

    Harry Monk

    November 9, 2010 at 1:31 pm

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