The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

The Shaming of Cats

with 3 comments

Cats: some people drop them into wheelie bins, while some people enter them into national competitions. But which is the bigger form of abuse?

Local newspapers love nothing more than printing feel-good stories about domestic pets and their owners, as if we’re remotely interested or something.

Middlesbrough Evening Gazette, 22 June 2010 (story):

Redcar cat reaches finals of national competition

IS this Redcar moggy Britain’s most adventurous cat? Joanne Stephens of Redcar is celebrating after her pet, Jerry, leaped into the national finals of the Go-Cat Bobo Awards.

The awards – named after the feline star of Go-Cat’s latest TV ads – are given to the most adventurous cats in Britain.

Now judges have chosen Jerry as one of 12 finalists from nearly 800 entries. And if he wins first prize, he could bag Joanne an African safari to see some really big cats, plus a year’s supply of Go-Cat.

Cheeky Jerry’s habit of following Joanne into the shower is just one escapade which really appealed to the judges. But not content with getting wet, Jerry then runs up and downstairs to shake himself dry.

No way! ‘CHARACTER’ alert…

He also enjoys climbing curtains, pinching pizza and trying to climb out of the bathroom window.

Get out of here! BONKERZ.

He has a habit, too, of hiding Joanne’s belongings in the house – to the point where some items are yet to be recovered.

Merciless thieving little shit. Lock him up.

One of the worst things about the awful British consensus that ‘pets = good’ is, of course, the smug and self-satisfied gobshite tendencies of the people who own them. Just shut up, shut up, shut up. Please shut up. Shut. Up.

Joanne said: “Jerry’s adventures are more often than not, very noisy. If he starts one of his manic escapades in the evening, there isn’t any peace in our house.

“He loves attention when he’s awake and while we’re trying to sleep, he loves playing alarm clocks by running up the stairs with a squeaky rubber toy in his mouth.

“If only you could see him 24/7 you would be so tired!”

Jerry is also in the running to win the Indoor Cat category.

I wonder if Go-Cat will be introducing a Wheelie Bin category next year? Now that could be worth some media coverage…


Written by Paddy

September 6, 2010 at 11:05 am

3 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Manic escapades? Does she mean that in a fond way or did she mishear the vet?


    September 6, 2010 at 8:05 pm

  2. I want to feel cynical about this, but awwwwwwwwwshshshshshslittlepussumsawwwww


    September 7, 2010 at 6:56 pm

  3. A year’s supply of cat food is the worse prize imaginable for someone in that physical state.


    September 15, 2010 at 4:51 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: