The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Mattress misery

with 4 comments

Some couples might feel embarrassed to find they get through more mattresses than the average porn studio, but then again, some might want to shout  it from the rooftops.

Croydon Guardian, 21 July 2010:

Mattress misery

An 18-stone man and his wife who have gone through four mattresses in less than three years are warning residents about a Croydon bed shop.

Ian Pike and his wife Susan bought a £900 bed from Benson for Beds in Purley Way, Croydon, in August 2007. Within six months the mattress had “collapsed on itself”, according to Mr Pike, but the company replaced it for free because it was still under warranty.

Thanks to C Edwards for testing the springs and providing the full article from the Croydon Guardian (click picture to read).

“I’m an 18-stone geezer so it needs to be a big bed. They even told me I was lying on it the wrong way. What does that even mean? I can’t levitate.”

They mean you should try not lying on it like a beached whale.

It’s worth nothing that the self-styled 18-stone geezer inexplicably passed up the opportunity of a “pushed from pillar to bed post” pun in the article. The matt-stress really must be getting to him.

Inevitably, it was only a couple of days until the Sutton Guardian picked up the same story and ran it with a great ‘Gazette Faces’ photo.

Will they ever sleep peacefully again? Perhaps if they had in the first place, they wouldn’t have destroyed four mattresses and find themselves in this situation.


Written by Paddy

July 26, 2010 at 12:25 pm

Posted in Consumer rights

4 Responses

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  1. Why is the bed shop getting the blame here? I can’t imagine it forced this man to eat himself to the point of being 18 stone (which looks like somewhat of an underestimate based on the photos). Oh well, I suppose he has to get his 15 minutes of fame somehow….


    July 26, 2010 at 12:57 pm

  2. I’m reminded of this story. The subject similarly seems reluctant to reach the obvious conclusion.


    July 26, 2010 at 3:15 pm

  3. Mr Pike sounds simply divan.


    July 26, 2010 at 3:52 pm

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