The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Here in my car, I feel safest of all…

with 11 comments

…I can lock all my doors / It’s the only way to live / In cars.

The local news is a cruel world. Who’d have thought a vicious readership backlash would result from a seemingly innocuous feel-good story about a 67-year old teacher and her three-legged dog being freed from a car after an ordeal lasting what can only be described as a whole half hour?

Croydon Advertiser, 21 May 2010 (story):

Driver stuck in car says she was glad at bad weather

One teacher was grateful for the rainy weather on Monday afternoon – when she became trapped in her car for half an hour.

Anne Giles took her three-legged dog Bonzo for a walk in Addington Hills and went to drive her Nissan Qashqai back home to Osprey Gardens, Selsdon.

The 67-year-old put her dog in the back of the car, before getting into the driving seat. It was at this point all the doors locked and Anne realised she had left her keys in the boot.

“I couldn’t open the doors or the windows, I was completely trapped,” she said. “I became very panicky and rang the fire brigade who came but could not get me out.

“I was in there for about 30 minutes and started to get very hot and claustrophobic.”

Firefighters had to explain to Anne how to dismantle the rear seat headrest which allowed her to pull up the boot lid and retrieve her keys and unlock the doors.

Warm thanks to concerned Croydon resident Lucinda Offer for picking up this story, and pointing out that it has provoked more than 100 comments on the Croydon Advertiser website. The majority of them took the opportunity to both lambast the paper for even covering this tale of woe in the first place and to mock Anne for not resolving the situation alone. If you enjoy people exchanging bile on the internet, the full comments are well worth your time.

Anne does herself no favours by monitoring the entire discussion and chipping in regularly to rebut every criticism under the name  ‘ANNE, SELSDON’, for example: “Someone suggested I press the UNLOCK button – of course I did, you nincompoop.”

Oh dear. Click the photo for some selected highlights…

Click to enlarge

Please somebody stop her; for her own sake. She’ll be commenting on here next.


Written by Paddy

July 5, 2010 at 12:36 pm

11 Responses

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  1. “Remember Old Dogs Die In Hot Cars”

    Cruelest comment ever!


    July 5, 2010 at 1:04 pm

  2. You are all a bunch of ignorant pillocks and nincompoops.

    Anne, Selsdon

    July 5, 2010 at 2:55 pm

  3. Anne Giles seems to be everywhere at once. Check out her name link, she always seems to be where the action is. Fantastic little poem also in the comments to the car trap story.


    July 6, 2010 at 2:36 pm

  4. Anne’s not taking any criticism sitting down is she?


    July 7, 2010 at 3:05 pm

  5. ‘In your face’ people with nothing better to do than complain at the quality and content of regional reporting ‘stuff’…

    Furthermore, if any of you fancy coming around and saying your comments to my face I’m pretty sure I might manage to overcome my ruptured tendon and give you the hairy side of my hand!

    Anne, Selsdon

    July 7, 2010 at 3:09 pm

  6. The hairy side of your hand, Anne? Isn’t that both sides. And all up your arm. And down your back.


    Oh yes I di-id!


    July 8, 2010 at 2:52 pm

  7. Oh yeah Gez, you’re all brave behind your computer aren’t you, eh? Well why don’t you come on down to mental Selsdon so I can open a family sized can of woopass on you, you f**k

    Anne, Selsdon

    July 14, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    • You can’t even open a car door; how will you open a can of whoopass?


      July 14, 2010 at 4:47 pm

      • Gez, that was beautiful!


        August 19, 2010 at 3:05 pm

  8. […] Some great gags on the Nether Regions site. Well worth a read: Here in my car, I feel safest of all… « The nether regions […]

  9. I can’t believe the emergency services were so cavalier about the situation. Wouldn’t it have been safer to have got the croppers out and cut the roof off her car?


    July 22, 2010 at 1:47 pm

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