The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Sumo-assaulting for summer solstice

with 6 comments

Whilst fans of proper regional journalism should always be wary of the adoption of tabloid sensibilities for cheap thrills, you can’t deny this is a good headline.

For a start, it packs the famed ‘who, what, where, when’, in that order, into just one sentence. Skills.

Dublin Evening Herald, 23 June 2010 (story):

Woman in sumo wrestler suit assaulted her ex-girlfriend in gay pub after she waved at man dressed as a Snickers bar

A REVELLER at a fancy dress party in one of Dublin’s best known gay bars attacked her ex-girlfriend in a row over a novelty wrestler’s suit.

Sandra Talbot (32) assaulted her ex-partner with a bottle she had hidden under her costume in a fit of rage at the George pub, after more than a year of acrimony following their break-up.

A court heard she lashed out at victim Adrienne Martin in a row that started over a novelty sumo wrestler’s suit that Talbot was wearing. The row developed as the victim tried to wave at a man dressed as a Snickers bar, the court heard.

I bet they’ll have had a laugh about that one back in the jury room.

And indeed, probably about much of the detail in this court case…

She had been in an on-off relationship with Talbot for three years which had ended in March 2007. During the evening Talbot, who was wearing an inflatable sumo suit, bumped into her. When she turned around, the accused said to her: “Keep smiling, c**t.”

Later, a man dressed as a Snickers bar began waving at her and when she went to wave back, Talbot pushed her arm from behind. When she asked what the problem was, Talbot said: “Your arm’s in my way.” […]

Ms Martin said she saw a Smirnoff Ice bottle fly from the defendant’s sleeve. The State solicitor said the prosecution had no evidence that a bottle was used in the assault other than Ms Martin’s word.

The accused was escorted out and had to be asked to partially deflate her costume so she could get out the door.

Talbot’s barrister Diarmuid Collins argued that it would have been impossible for the bottle to have been in her costume and fallen out as described because the suit worked on an airtight seal.

I wonder how many people study law with the dream of one day being able to debunk myths about airtight sumo suits in the courts.

Thank you to Gez Daring.

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Written by Paddy

June 29, 2010 at 11:03 am

6 Responses

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  1. This is regional news at its best. You would never get such a meticulous headline in a tabloid without at least one exclamation mark.

    Are you allowing foreign news to filter through now?
    Is this your glasnost?

    Ellie

    June 29, 2010 at 7:52 pm

  2. Proper foreign news isn’t getting through, but anywhere within 65 miles of Holyhead ferry port counts.

    Glasnost? Ha. Get out of here with your neoliberal capitalist terminology.

    Paddy

    June 30, 2010 at 12:01 am

  3. a bottle she had hidden under her costume in a fit of rage

    That must have been some fit of rage. Bottles get stuffed everywhere when she’s riled up.

    Benvenuto

    July 1, 2010 at 11:10 am

    • Could have been worse… I remember when Kinga from Big Brother “hid” a wine bottle somewhere very unique…makes this other lady hidding a bottle under her frock look quite tame in comparison….

      Lily

      July 2, 2010 at 1:00 pm

      • It seems this was a case of someone literally bottling up their anger.

        Paddy

        July 2, 2010 at 1:46 pm

  4. Alcohol, lesbian break up and fancy dress! A violent occurrence waiting to happen no less.

    shandog

    July 5, 2010 at 8:56 am


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