The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Troubled times in Hartlepool

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Tuesday 19 January 2010 was a very turbulent news day in Hartlepool. As ever, the Hartlepool Mail was first on the scene.

In shocking scenes, the paper reported the day the music truly died…

Hartlepool Mail, 19 January 2010:

CD player left on hob

A CD player was destroyed after it was left standing on a cooker that was accidentally switched on. […]

Crew manager Stuart Henderson said the occupant of the house smelled burning and had got out of the property before alerting the fire brigade. Firefighters spent around 20 minutes at the scene.

…and it was the day the townsfolk were confronted with the notion that a potato based snack could result in the knocking off of one’s block.

Hartlepo0l Mail, 19 January 2010 (story):

‘Give me your crisps of I’ll punch you’

A SINGLE mum pestered a reveller for crisps before threatening to “knock her block off”.

Mrs Hesse said: “The defendant approached and said ‘what did you say? I will knock your block off.’.”

Gemma Louise Swift, 26, was in the town’s Yates’s bar, in Victoria Road, when she started nagging a fellow drinker for her crisps.

Despite being handed the packet, Swift continued to shout over to her victim asking for more.

When Swift thought she heard a comment made at her, she walked over and hit her in the jaw.

Prosecuting at Hartlepool Magistrates’ Court, Joanne Hesse said: “The defendant approached the victim and asked if she could have a crisp off her.

“The victim allowed this but the defendant repeated the request several times.”

She said the injured party gave Swift the packet and tried to ignore shouts for more.

I bet they’ll have had a laugh about these back at the newsdesk.

Warm thanks to Gez Daring.

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Written by Paddy

June 26, 2010 at 1:13 pm

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