The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

‘Gripped by World Cup Fever’ digest

with one comment

Never underestimate the determination of moon-faced, flag-toting cretins to get themselves in the local paper when England actually manage to qualify for a major international tournament.

Families fly the flag for EnglandYork Press

Sneaky sons fly flag for England in a big, bright way – The News (Portsmouth)

Grove Hill family gripped by World Cup fever – Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough)

Thank you to Nick Henegan.

This is the news… former journalist puts up tiny England flag in window of his new tearoom. In Germany. Wow.

Bradford Telegraph & Argus, 15 June 2010:

Former T&A man Simon Orrell flying the flag for England

A former Telegraph & Argus journalist is flying the England flag with pride at his tea room in Germany during the World Cup.

His brother said: “He’s certainly pushing England over there and telling everybody England is going to win the World Cup.

“But I think he might be a little bit outnumbered!”

“Might be a little outnumbered!” Banter!

Cumbrian house gets England makeover for World Cup – Cumberland  News

Hmm, ‘makeover’ could be pushing it a bit...

With the on-pitch action in South Africa a mere distraction, the York Press sticks to the really big questions… in York:

Is John Lansbury York’s top England fan?York Press

IS this the most patriotic England fan in York?

“I got some snooker cues and painted them white, and then screwed some attachments into the wall, and screwed the poles into them.”

Ooh: Blue Peter-style innovation and mindless nationalist fervour all in one man. Quite a catch.

We’ve covered York’s Biggest Fan and it was great fun. Dear York Press, please can we have a news story about York’s Biggest Flag? Thanks.

Turf Tavern claims biggest flag in York as part of World Cup celebrations York Press

THIS must surely be the biggest St George’s flag to be unveiled in York as part of the World Cup celebrations.

“It must be the biggest flag in York,” Linford said.

He said there had been a big reaction from customers. “People come up and take the mick, saying: ‘Can’t you get a bigger flag?’” he said.

“Can’t you get a bigger flag?” Banter!!

But dear readers, did you know there are forces of evil at work determined to stamp out all forms of good-natured, harmless Anglophilia?

Council jobsworth told us to rip down bunting – Southend Echo

A PUB landlord is furious because he says council jobsworths have scuppered his patriotic support for England’s World Cup campaign.

The Exhibition Inn, in High Street, Great Wakering, has fallen foul of health and safety rules by stringing England flag bunting around the pub and across the road.

Landlord Les Gue said: “It is absolutely crazy. I was only having it there for a couple of weeks for the World Cup.

“If there was a crack in the pavement it would take three months to do something about it.

“I asked the council woman how many people had been killed by bunting falling on their head in the last 100 years. She couldn’t answer me.”

“Killed by bunting falling on their head!” Banter!!!

Hats off to the Croydon Guardian and Wagg Foods for working together to combine the holy trio of Englishness – local heritage, national pride and fondness for vile dogs – in just one news story.

Hunt begins for heroic South Norwood World Cup hound (story):

The hunt is on for a heroic hound to fill the paws of legendary pooch Pickles, who found the stolen World Cup trophy while trotting through South Norwood in 1966.

Wagg Foods is searching for a ‘relative’ of Pickles to become the face of its new trophy-shaped dog treat, and win a year’s supply of dog food in the process.

Sales and marketing director Tom Page said: “Hopefully a descendent of Pickles can help us go all the way in South Africa and become a modern day doggy hero.”

Advice to sales and marketing director Tom Page: grow up.

And finally…

Leeds firm’s World Cup coffinYorkshire Evening Post

Surely the most appropriate and pertinent expression of the nation’s footballing hopes yet. 


Written by Paddy

June 17, 2010 at 10:01 pm

One Response

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  1. I’ve been a bit busy the last couple of weeks so only just had chance to catch up with TNR (as I call it). I notice that the bunting man at no stage denied theat his decorations were dangerous, instead protesting that “he only wanted them up for a couple of weeks” and “a cracked slab would take weeks to repair”.

    I like that last non excuse I might use it next time I my wife reads about me shagging a french tart.

    “Chill out love, a cracked flag would take WEEKS to fix… Jesus!”

    J. Terry

    June 30, 2010 at 11:27 am

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