The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Stop crowing about it

with one comment

Although pigeons are and always will be the most evil form of the avian species, The nether regions expresses sincere and heartfelt sympathy with those currently facing the menace of this crow in Catford, south London.

Mind you, people who jog in public are mildly cretinous, so they’re fair game.

Thank you to Bad Journalism.

Catford and Lewisham News Shopper, 28 May 2010 (story):

Crow attacks leave blonde joggers in a flap

WOMEN joggers are under attack from a vicious crow with a long memory and a grudge against blondes.

Five runners in the space of ten days have fallen victim to the bird which has been diving down from the heavens to peck at their heads. […]

Louise Morris, 43, of Gourock Road, Eltham, was one of the crow’s first victims.

She said: “It took off and caught the top of my head.

“As I came back round a second time it was dive-bombing at me.

“I changed direction but it kept following me so I started using my water bottle to try and fend it off.”

It would be lovely to see a crow killed stone dead with a bottle of water. Rather than the avian species, it would then be considered one of the Evian species (insert multiple excalamation marks here).

The saga took an interesting new twist last week when an ‘elderly dancer’ decided she also wanted a bit of attention in her local paper to satiate her demented levels of self-worth.

Catford and Lewisham News Shopper, 9 June 2010 (story):

Elderly dancer reveals crow attack horror

AN ELDERLY dancer is the latest person who has fallen victim to an horrific crow attack.

Last month, News Shopper revealed how blonde joggers in an Eltham Park were being terrorised by a crow.

Now 75-year-old great-grandmother Edna Lunt, of Nelgarde Road, Catford, has revealed how she was recently attacked by a bloodthirsty bird in her own garden.

She said: “I pulled my sunchair towards the light. As I sat down on it, it tipped up backwards.

“While my legs were up in the air this crow came down and started dive-bombing me and making screeching noises.

“It was like a horror movie.

“I got up and started running. I shouted ‘It’s after me,’ and then I fell in the flower bed.” […]

She said: “Scared would be an understatement. I had to pour myself a brandy.

“It was determined to have a peck at me and it wouldn’t go away.”

It’s best to take this story with a pinch of salt. Edna Lunt strikes me as the type of person who believes anything that moves is determined to have a peck at her. Never trust an egomaniac.


Written by Paddy

June 13, 2010 at 1:38 pm

One Response

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. I was walking my dog in Eltham Park, South East London today (16th May 2012) and several dog walkers witnessed with me, a blonde lady jogger being attacked three times by the same crow. About a year ago I remember seeing a crow fly at a cyclist in the same area by the tennis courts. Today’s attack was a real-life HItchcock moment. Scary!


    May 16, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: