The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Rules and Regulations

with 5 comments

We could do with some government regulations against letters to newspapers like this.

The Bolton News, 12 May 2010:

Don’t let health and safety rule your life

I BELIEVE we live in a Politically Correct and vastly over-regulated country, I offer you the following. I am a 68-year-old fit and active pensioner and when I woke up this morning at about 8am, the sun was shining, and I thought: “What shall I do today?”.

Well, first of all I have to do a “risk assessment” to see if it’s safe to get out of bed, due to “elf ‘n’ safety” rules — after all, I might stumble. Never mind, I could sue the bed manufacturers for making the bed too high!

I do get up without any mishaps and, after another “risk assessment” about the bathroom, I decide to have a wash, shave and clean my teeth.

Wait! — I haven’t been fully trained in how to use razors and toothbrushes, so I might be breaking the rules! I do manage to have a wash and shave etc, and then I go downstairs for breakfast.

Wait a minute! Is it safe to go downstairs, at my age, without supervision?

I decide that it is safe and so I prepare breakfast, Fruit & Fibre cereal followed by toast and a cup of tea.

Could the tea be too hot? What if I spill some on to my arms or legs?

Never mind, I could always sue the tea makers for suggesting that tea should be made with hot water.

Next, off for the morning papers — yet another “risk assessment”. Should I walk, or go by car — what are the risks?

If I go by car, I could go down one of the many large potholes in our area.

Watch TV in the evening and enjoy a glass or two of wine. Glass or two! Not without a full “risk assessment”.

And what about “elf ‘n’ safety” rules and Government advice about wine consumption!

And I shouldn’t use the remote control, because I haven’t been fully trained.

Ah well, bed time. Is it safe to upstairs on my own? And what about stepping into the shower? I could fall!

What a lovely day. I wish I had stayed in bed all day — but is that permissible in this PC world today? There must be some regulation governing staying in bed all day.

Whatever happened to common sense?

Welcome to Britain 2010! Have a nice day! Mind how you go!

David Willescroft, Smithills

This reference to not being trained in the use of a remote control is interesting. I wasn’t aware training was available,  but then I suppose you can probably find somewhere to do a degree in remote control studies these days.

Thanks to Helen Williams and MKTBFFSTBF for submitting this letter in line with the recommended procedures.

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Written by Paddy

May 17, 2010 at 10:59 am

5 Responses

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  1. Ah the tried and tested Steven Nolan approach to arguments. Reductio ad absurdum. That’s latin for “behaving like a twunt”

    Gez

    May 17, 2010 at 12:19 pm

  2. Was this written using a computer keyboard? Doesn’t he know about the risk of RSA?

    Scott

    May 17, 2010 at 6:44 pm

  3. “…is that permissible in this PC world today? ”

    No, but if you come to my Currys store, you’re more than welcome

    Esqui

    May 17, 2010 at 10:41 pm

  4. I obviously meant to say RSI up there, by the way.

    Scott

    May 19, 2010 at 3:04 pm

  5. This clip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGAOCVwLrXo) from a Stewart Lee stand-up show makes for a wonderful accompaniment to the mad ramblings of David Willescroft from Smithills.

    MKTBFFS

    May 19, 2010 at 8:35 pm


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