The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Rules and Regulations

with 5 comments

We could do with some government regulations against letters to newspapers like this.

The Bolton News, 12 May 2010:

Don’t let health and safety rule your life

I BELIEVE we live in a Politically Correct and vastly over-regulated country, I offer you the following. I am a 68-year-old fit and active pensioner and when I woke up this morning at about 8am, the sun was shining, and I thought: “What shall I do today?”.

Well, first of all I have to do a “risk assessment” to see if it’s safe to get out of bed, due to “elf ‘n’ safety” rules — after all, I might stumble. Never mind, I could sue the bed manufacturers for making the bed too high!

I do get up without any mishaps and, after another “risk assessment” about the bathroom, I decide to have a wash, shave and clean my teeth.

Wait! — I haven’t been fully trained in how to use razors and toothbrushes, so I might be breaking the rules! I do manage to have a wash and shave etc, and then I go downstairs for breakfast.

Wait a minute! Is it safe to go downstairs, at my age, without supervision?

I decide that it is safe and so I prepare breakfast, Fruit & Fibre cereal followed by toast and a cup of tea.

Could the tea be too hot? What if I spill some on to my arms or legs?

Never mind, I could always sue the tea makers for suggesting that tea should be made with hot water.

Next, off for the morning papers — yet another “risk assessment”. Should I walk, or go by car — what are the risks?

If I go by car, I could go down one of the many large potholes in our area.

Watch TV in the evening and enjoy a glass or two of wine. Glass or two! Not without a full “risk assessment”.

And what about “elf ‘n’ safety” rules and Government advice about wine consumption!

And I shouldn’t use the remote control, because I haven’t been fully trained.

Ah well, bed time. Is it safe to upstairs on my own? And what about stepping into the shower? I could fall!

What a lovely day. I wish I had stayed in bed all day — but is that permissible in this PC world today? There must be some regulation governing staying in bed all day.

Whatever happened to common sense?

Welcome to Britain 2010! Have a nice day! Mind how you go!

David Willescroft, Smithills

This reference to not being trained in the use of a remote control is interesting. I wasn’t aware training was available,  but then I suppose you can probably find somewhere to do a degree in remote control studies these days.

Thanks to Helen Williams and MKTBFFSTBF for submitting this letter in line with the recommended procedures.


Written by Paddy

May 17, 2010 at 10:59 am

5 Responses

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  1. Ah the tried and tested Steven Nolan approach to arguments. Reductio ad absurdum. That’s latin for “behaving like a twunt”


    May 17, 2010 at 12:19 pm

  2. Was this written using a computer keyboard? Doesn’t he know about the risk of RSA?


    May 17, 2010 at 6:44 pm

  3. “…is that permissible in this PC world today? ”

    No, but if you come to my Currys store, you’re more than welcome


    May 17, 2010 at 10:41 pm

  4. I obviously meant to say RSI up there, by the way.


    May 19, 2010 at 3:04 pm

  5. This clip ( from a Stewart Lee stand-up show makes for a wonderful accompaniment to the mad ramblings of David Willescroft from Smithills.


    May 19, 2010 at 8:35 pm

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