The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

How to spot UFOs and literally draw far-fetched conclusions

with one comment

It’s always wonderful when regional newspapers are able to avoid publishing multiple empty pages on slow news days by instead publishing drawings by demented members of the public.

UFOs, sometimes helpfully identified as ‘unidentified flying objects’, are, of course, a source of boundless intrigue.  Their very nature means they invariably throw up questions rather than answers. It’s time to clear up some of those questions.

Nottingham Evening Post, 18 February 2010 (story):

Was this Notts UFO an alien spacecraft?

COULD sketches of a mysterious object which appeared in the sky over Notts be of an alien spaceship?

No, the first one is a sketch, and the second one looks like nothing more than a botched Photoshop creation. Next.

Manchester Evening News, 18 February 2010 (story):

Was this really a UFO over Knutsford?

This triangle-shaped craft was allegedly spotted over the skies of Cheshire.

The picture was drawn by an eyewitness who claimed to see the unusual object hovering over Knutsford.

No, they didn’t see it. They simply drew it. Full marks for the pylon though.

Reading Post, 5 October 2009 (story):

Are these drawings UFOs?

A Caversham family has drawn these vivid diagrams after spotting ‘extra-terrestrial objects’.

The UFOs were seen by a mum, who wishes to remain anonymous, and her family as they visited a fair off Richfield Avenue.

No… not UFOs on this occasion, they’re still just drawings. In fact, they look like drawings of items found on a beach. Soz.

The family-of-four noticed the ‘alien’ objects above them on Saturday, August 15, between 8.30pm and 9pm.

She added: “We looked up expecting to see a plane, instead we saw a huge round orange light. Within a few seconds the light went out and we could all see a dark grey disc, rotating as it moved.

“It was flying just below the clouds coming from the direction of London/Heathrow travelling on a straight path, heading in the direction of Nettlebed.

“It travelled at the speed of a plane, maybe slower.”

It’s (a) an object in the sky, (b) travelling from the direction of Heathrow airport, (c) at the speed of a plane… whatever could it be?

“We were shocked to see these huge dark grey discs overhead where we usually see passenger jets.”

When the family returned to their Henley Road home they each drew what they saw.

But this is not the first time the mum-of-two has seen spooky space objects over Reading.

In September, last year, she was taking photos of hot air balloons from a window of her house when she saw “something in the sky” that resembled a UFO.

Funnily enough, I also once saw something that resembled an unidentified object. I didn’t identify what it resembled, obviously, because it was unidentified. But it definitely resembled an unidentified object; I’m certain of that.

There’s only one way the newspapers can settle all of this, once and for all. And thankfully the Bracknell Forest Standard doesn’t shy away from the big questions on its website.

Is it any wonder this country is heading for a hung Parliament?


Written by Paddy

April 28, 2010 at 11:03 am

Posted in Utter bullshit

One Response

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  1. What are you suggesting ? Are you suggesting that disc shaped aeroplanes are now departing from Heathrow???


    March 10, 2011 at 10:58 pm

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