The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Gazette Faces, Vol. 6

with one comment

Straighten those lips, slacken that jaw and kill those eyes to a vacant stare for the sixth extravaganza of Teesside’s great and good newsfolk.

Vandals hack stained glass at Redcar church

Fury at rise in Middlesbrough allotment fees

Guisborough Town Football Club minibus destroyed

Nothing a lick of paint won’t sort.

Dad’s apology after fire threat in Teesside JobCentre

What do you do when you have ‘no intention’ of setting fire to yourself in the Job Centre? Douse yourself with a bottle of turpentine, of course.

Evening Gazette, 16 December 2009 (story):

A DISTRESSED dad has today apologised after months of frustration led to him threatening to set himself alight in a Teesside JobCentre. […]

“I feel guilty over what I have done,” Brian told the Gazette.

“Some of the lasses in there must have been frightened. I shouldn’t have done what I did. I feel really ashamed. I can honestly say I had no intention of setting fire to myself and had no intention of damaging anything.” […]

Brian said: “I remember going in my pocket and I pulled the bottle out.

“I poured the stuff over me then sat on a chair. I told them to get everybody out of the building and then the police turned up.”

He’s right – some of the lasses must have been frightened. None of the lads, though, because they’re bloody blokes.

Pupils in protest over Stockton school merger plan

Gazette Faces under there, deffo.

Guisborough and Redcar speed signs anger drivers

Gazette Scarf > Gazette Face.

Widow’s home ransacked on day of husband’s funeral

Outcry over bid to re-open notorious Easterside pub

Gunman terror at Middlesbrough social club

Health and safety ban on Middlesbrough gran’s knitted hospital fundraising dolls

It’s bloody political-correctness-health-and-safety-immigration-swine-flu gone mad.

Evening Gazette, 30 July 2009 (story):

A KNITTING nana has been left devastated after her local hospital banned the sale of her handmade dolls for health and safety reasons.

Dorothy Wedlake, 80, has been knitting dolls for the James Cook University Hospital in Middlesbrough since the death of her sister-in-law back in 1990.

Dorothy, of Maldon Road, Middlesbrough, said: “I’ve been knitting the little dolls for nearly 20 years and they’ve sold like hot cakes.”

Sold like hot cakes? No wonder they’re a health and safety risk if she’s telling people they’re edible. Get Trading Standards on the case.

The most popular are her Superman figures, but she also makes crinoline dolls, a favourite with little girls. “It’s a smack in the face,” said Dorothy…

Smack in the face? That’s dangerous.

“It makes me very frustrated that I can’t explain it all to someone face-to-face. My dolls have no eyes to fall out and choke a child. There’s no wires to cut a child. And no paint or dye to poison a child.”

Is she expecting praise  for this?

“If these dolls are a danger to a child, then how many have I killed over the last 20 years?”

You tell us, Dot: just how many children have you killed over the last 20 years?

Link: Gazette Faces catalogue

In the most fiercely exciting development in national entertainment since the cessation of the most recent Chris Moyles Radio 1 Roadshow, Gazette Faces will soon be going on tour. Please continue to send your Gazette Faces from newspapers around Britain to the address at the top right corner of  the page.


Written by Paddy

April 14, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Posted in Gazette Faces

One Response

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  1. About time too. I’ve had enough of the Middlesbrough-centric journalism from this supposedly inclusive news site.


    April 15, 2010 at 4:21 pm

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