The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Slip John B

with 2 comments

Never underestimate the ability of whinging locals to creatively combine the same old anti-Council hysteria about grit shortages with a homage to the Beach Boys.

Halifax Evening Courier, 12 March 2010:

Dear sir,

Please print this song about the grit shortage, particularly on Styes Lane. I am a shift worker and on many occasions have been forced to stay overnight in Halifax, getting bed and breakfast. To be sung to the tune of Sloop John B.

‘Shift Worker’s Lament’

I drove from my work at ten,
But the gritters hadn’t been,
And the frozen road I traverse is dark and is long.

Chorus: Let me go home,
I want to go home,
I feel so frightened,
I want to go home.

When Styles Lane loomed ahead,
My heart was filled with dread,
But warning signs were none and so I drove on.
Chorus: Let me go home, etc.

So down that hill I shot,
Past Finkle Street and got,
A golden medal for luge in the Commonwealth Games.


Now they say I’ve had some luck,
As into the wall I struck,
And my broken bones will heal when I finally grow old.


But the scrapyard’s so close by,
For cars that tried to fly,
But tow-van’s been so busy, it too is wrote off!


If your council lets you down,
It’s cheaper to stay in town,
The car’s the costliest item you can destroy.
Never go home,
Please never go home,
I feel so broke up,
I tried to go home!

Miranda Greetham, Styes Lane, Sowerby Bridge


Thanks to Anna Holden for finding this and smiling along through gritted teeth.


Written by Paddy

April 1, 2010 at 11:32 am

2 Responses

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  1. Genius….is it too late to change our entry for Eurovision….I think we’ve got a winner on our hands….


    April 1, 2010 at 1:38 pm

  2. If I’d seen that article in the flesh/paper (imagine a newpaper made of meat… no stop it) I would have framed it.

    Michael Laverick

    April 6, 2010 at 7:09 pm

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