The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Twisting my melon

with 3 comments

We’ve all heard of following people, hanging around outside their house, bombarding them with text messages or superimposing their head onto a photo of your pet dog astride your lap, but there’s a brand new method of stalking emerging from East Anglia…

Norwich Evening News, 24 February 2010 (story):

Man put melon through ex-partner’s cat-flap

A woman was subjected to four and a half years of harassment by her ex-partner, who banged on her windows virtually every day, put love letters in her post, and finally pushed half a melon through her catflap.

William Sim, 55, appeared at Norwich Magistrates’ Court yesterday for sentencing, after earlier pleading guilty to harassing ex-partner Carole Lees. […]

Ben Brighouse, prosecuting, said that Sim, who lives near her in council properties in Peterkin Road, Tuckswood, Norwich, had continued to harass her.

Mr Brighouse said: “She has had continuous problems with Mr Sim not letting go.

“He banged on her windows and doors every other day. He bangs so hard she’s scared the windows will break.

“He shouts at her ‘What’s wrong with me?’ and ‘Why don’t you want me?’ and uses his mother’s phone to ring her. She has been in a relationship since but that did not work out because of this problem.

“He’s always drunk when he does it and two weeks ago he put half a melon through her catflap, because he said he thought she might like some fruit. When she received the melon she said she found it very strange.”

In the olden days, it was perfectly normal to deliver fruity gifts to neighbours and loved ones without the beady eye of suspicion looking down on you. You can’t do anything these days. It’s political correctness gone even madder.


Written by Paddy

March 11, 2010 at 10:34 am

Posted in Stalkers

3 Responses

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  1. For some reason I assumed pushing a melon through someone’s catflap was a euphemism…


    March 11, 2010 at 2:39 pm

  2. ‘When she received the melon she said she found it very strange’. Was it off, then? Bet he got it from the bargain section of Asda at 21.50 or so.

    Hopefully he’ll not be charged owing to a legal cantaloupehole.


    March 11, 2010 at 4:03 pm

  3. Best. Headline. Ever.


    March 13, 2010 at 11:29 am

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