The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Pigeonocide (Part 2 of 2)

with 3 comments

Vigilante action on the part of upstanding locals with admirable intentions to rid Market Rasen of its feathered gits – as documented in Part 1 – led to an outpouring of angry disbelief from pro-pigeon oddballs in the letters page of the Market Rasen Mail the following week.

Thanks to pigeon-fancier Anna Holden for spotting these.

4 November 2009:

Absolutely disgusting

EDITOR – Forgive me for sounding rude, but I think it’s absolutely disgusting that pigeons have been killed.

Animals were on this earth long before humans. We have destroyed their homes by building ours, and now we want to destroy them too.

We blame the rabbits for the A46 problems, yet the rabbits didn’t build the road.

Now we blame the pigeons for mess, yet we allow people to throw rubbish on our streets, urinate down our alleys and cause problems and anti social behaviour after a few drinks.

I really think people need to look closer to home before branding our wildlife as the cause of mess and problems.

Nikki Woodhead
by email

Surely rabbits do build roads? Otherwise, what else could they be for?

4 November 2009:

Kill, kill, kill is not the answer

EDITOR – Is this now the answer to all our problems when confronted by a situation that is spoiling the habitat in which we live and that is to Kill! Kill! and Kill! again and again?

Because, like it or not, the pigeon is one of God’s creatures and, if trained in the proper manner, can and will bring great joy and happiness to the owner and when this novelty has worn off, they taste fantastic in a pie, not too dissimilar to the grey squirrel or the very common brown rat.

Nino Hoblyn

Yeah! Don’t kill God’s creatures – just eat them in pies! God’s logic at its finest.

Textbook pigeon Kill! Kill! Kill! In Manchester rather than Market Rasen, but still.

This woman is, frankly, a total freak (the full letter is well worth a read):

4 November 2009:

Why wasn’t netting used rather than a cull tried for pigeons on bridge

EDITOR – You would think, from all the venom and malice directed at those poor pigeons in Market Rasen, that we humans didn’t produce excrement.

We flush the toilet and it becomes out of sight, out of mind, ignoring the fact that we also pour toxic chemicals down our toilets. We flush away plastic cotton buds, condoms, razor blades, sanitary towels and tampons and other harmful items that pollute our seas and beaches and cause death to wildlife. […]

Personally, I have always found pigeons very attractive birds. They are so affectionate and loving with each other, and mate for life.

They really seem to enjoy their home comforts. In my garden in very hot weather, some will sit in the longer cool grass in the shade, wings outstretched, cooling off, or dunk themselves for up to 10 minutes at a time, in the bird baths, heads drooping, having a relaxing, cooling soak.

I’ve seen them swooping and gliding, seemingly for the pleasure of the flight, rather than just getting from A to B. […]

It can’t be beyond the wit of man to find a non-lethal form of dealing with this problem.

When I walked under the bridge last weekend, and saw two nervous individuals, perching as far back as possible, instead of the relaxed social gatherings of before, I realised that some sort of cull must have taken place, and felt sickened.

Tricia Holford

While the letters page agenda was dominated by these rabid pro-pigeon lobby groups that week, a couple of weeks later they were all irrevocably put in their place at one fell pigeon swoop by an anonymous correspondent:

18 November 2009:

Pigeons and louts both need cleaning up for society’s sake

EDITOR – To all those readers who complained about the pigeon cull, do not be so hypocritical. Have you ever stepped on an ant, snail or spider or killed a mouse in your home or garage.

Would you allow wasps to build a nest near your home and do nothing about them? I think not. The cull went quietly and humanely, and it did not cost a penny to you or the taxpayers.

I cannot believe that you people are so blind.

To say it’s only a few steps under the bridge, they should be left there. The bridge was not touched. But have you no feelings for the gentleman who lives nearest to the bridge? He has mess on his step all the time and his daughter is regularly scrubbing it for him.

Are you not bothered about the aged, who have slipped and fallen on the filth? What about the children and animals who carry this mess into their homes, on their shoes and feet?

And to say put them in a pie, don’t you realise these pigeons are feral and bring as much disease as rats.

I agree with all of you that our streets are plagued with foul mouthed, spitting, lazy louts who flaut the law and vandalise all that is good. Hopefully one day the Government will toughen up and we can eradicate them.

It is because of these vermin that I have not enclosed my name.

Name and address supplied

Clearly, pigeons will always divide opinions. To paraphrase Bill Hicks on pro-life campaigners… even my friends – all very intelligent – are totally divided on pigeons. Some think pigeons are annoying idiots. Some think pigeons are evil fucks. I think of them as evil annoying idiot fucks. How are we going to come to a consensus?


Written by Paddy

February 13, 2010 at 10:44 am

3 Responses

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  1. Ah, Patrick,

    I wondered how long it would be before your pigeon obsession manifested itself on the pages of this blog.


    A concerned friend

    February 15, 2010 at 5:14 pm

  2. I think they’ve taken the ‘fun’ out of pigeon culling, why not have a prize for the most killed or invite the locals to have a ‘go’, turn it into an annual event?

    John Shannon

    February 17, 2010 at 3:31 pm

  3. Bring back National Service, thats what I say!!!

    Den Wright

    February 17, 2010 at 3:44 pm

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