The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

White and large

with 5 comments

An appeal to readers: please look out for anyone who may fit this description.

The Bolton News, 25 January 2009:

Teenager tells of club attack ordeal

A TEENAGER has described the moment he was attacked in a Bolton nightclub on his 17th birthday.

Kye Minister was assaulted in Vogue, in Bradshawgate, last month because he did not have any drugs. […]

Police are still looking for the attacker, who is described as white and large.

Tough one, but I’ve narrowed it down. Is this him?

Or this…?

Thanks to Perry Gourley for pointing out the least useful eyewitness descriptors ever.


Written by Paddy

February 9, 2010 at 7:05 pm

Posted in Editorial

5 Responses

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  1. There is mumur that the white and large attacker was seen threatening the youth with a rather large uncooked sausage …Denise Woodage strikes again?

    Paddy strike me off for the following but Minister? That reminds of those pushers of pastry, Britain finest pie makers… Contact us for your nearest stockist!

    strictly no meat

    February 10, 2010 at 6:55 pm

  2. Almost seamless; much like the fabulous shortcrust pastry casing of a lovely Matador Pie.

    I think you’ve killed this blog forever. You could’ve at least waited until an ‘Angry residents fume at pie-induced indigestion’ story or something.


    February 10, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    • Matador? You need to move with the times and try our seasonal specials – back by popular demand, the Moo & Blue – free range British beef steak, rich gravy and Long Clawson stilton. Or pehaps the Mean Bean – Mexican bean chilli, butternut squash, fresh corriander, and lime – delicious with a blob of creme fraiche, a court heard. Where can you tuck into this greatest of culinary inventions? Give us a call on 0117 950 4567! And try to infer we are responsible for indigestion in the public domain again and we’ll sue your sorry ass before you can say “It’s the suet that gives them that unmistakeable crunch…”

      strictly no meat

      February 10, 2010 at 9:47 pm

  3. I know about that Vogue place. It’s made of gods and fannies.

    Duncsnoaii Paoee

    February 10, 2010 at 11:09 pm

  4. Hmmm, Vogue, sounds like a classy establishment…

    John Shannon

    February 17, 2010 at 3:35 pm

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