The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

Man threw profiteroles at wife

with 14 comments

Being a court reporter for a regional newspaper is a demanding role requiring a firm grasp of media law, an understanding of courtroom protocol which might seem baffling to The Average Joe, and an ability to condense proceedings into a concise and serious digest. It will also often involve following lengthy, complex and high-profile trials to a conclusion, perhaps involving murderers, rapists, and serial tax evaders.

Embedded with marbles, perhaps.

Blackpool Gazette, 18 March 2008:

Man threw profiteroles at wife

By Emma Harris

A BISCUIT factory worker threw a bowl of profiteroles at his wife as she lay in bed.

Darren Owen, 38, of Seattle Avenue, Bispham, admitted assaulting his 55-year-old wife.

He was fined £150 with £60 costs and ordered to pay the £15 victims’ surcharge by Blackpool magistrates.

Pauline Newrick, prosecuting, said there had been an argument between the couple and Mrs Owen had not been hurt

David Charnley, defending, said the couple’s relationship was not going to continue.

What was this? An elaborate bedroom act gone awry? The only other time the use of chocolate products in a bedroom setting has been classed as assault was when Alan Partridge berated his flame-haired dalliance Jill, 50, for getting mousse on the valance (“the skirt thing round the side of the bed!”) (YouTube clip).

Thank you to Daniel Gray for originally bringing this to my attention.

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Written by Paddy

January 12, 2010 at 7:02 pm

14 Responses

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  1. What’s a biscuit factory employee doing using profiteroles to beat his wife? That’s like Geoffrey Boycott using a baseball bat in his domestic violence antics. Is nothing sacred, etc.

    Angry Ex-Pat Brit, Levenshulme

    January 12, 2010 at 10:04 pm

  2. I’d like to be on that jury.. I wonder if they were given profiteroles to help them reach a verdict.

    IainH

    January 13, 2010 at 12:22 pm

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