The Nether Regions

The blog that slips an affectionate hand between the thighs of the regional media

You can feed me lollipops

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This is a quintessential popular-servant-of-the-community-shafted-by-heartless-bastards news story.

Alloa and Hillfoots Wee County News, 21 October 2009:

Clutching where once the lollipop would have been (thank you to Michael Laverick who, for some reason, was reading a newspaper in Alloa).

WEE County’s longest serving lollipop lady was given the fuzzy end of the stick when she discovered her lollipop of 23 years had been stolen.
Alison Glass, from Alloa’s Forester Grove, came to work on Tuesday morning to discover her lollipop stick had disappeared.
She has kept her stick, which has been decorated by the pupils, in the same place for the 23 years she has patrolled Claremont primary school.
The cheery pensioner took it in her stride and carried out her duties without the stick.
Alison said: “I just had to go ahead and stop traffic without it. I know most of the drivers and they know me, so it wasn’t a big problem.
“However, I would hate to think what could have happened if there would have been a strange driver going about.”

I think we all hate to think what could happen if a strange driver was going about. Presumably they’d display all manner of strange driving techniques like driving in reverse gear, mounting pavements, trying to indicate with their windscreen wipers, and flattening a barely visible lollipop-less lady (what was she doing in the middle of the bloody road?).

It’s also worth noting Alison’s highly dubious claim of having had the same lollipop stick for 23 years. This calls to mind Trigger from Only Fools and Horses and his 20-year-old broom which has had 17 new heads and 14 new handles in its time (YouTube clip).

“The kids were asking me all morning, where my lollipop was. I can handle anything, but it’s a real shame for them as they have decorated the lollipop with their stickers.
“This is why it’s such a special lollipop to me and to the kids. I just want to to say to whoever has taken it, please just bring it back.”
After her morning duties, Alison went to speak to the police and reported the theft. However she would be quite happy for the thief to just put it back where they found it.
Alison is well known and popular figure in Alloa. She has been a lollipop lady for 37 years and has helped generations of kids across the road.
She became a lollipop lady after seeing an ad and decided to try it out. Her first post was at St Mungo’s primary school and the outdoorsy Alison started on an Easter Monday. The reason she remembers the day so well is that it snowed for a week. Alison says she has loved every minute of her career.
The love of the outdoor life seems to run in the family as Alison’s husband John runs a bike shop in Alloa’s Mar Street and her son, also John, is a postman.
Alison and the kids are now appealing for the lollipop to be returned back to its original hideaway on Claremont in Alloa.

The fate of the lollipop is unknown, but I’m sure there will be more on this story as it develops. This isn’t just any old lollipop which has been stolen; it was a lollipop decorated by children. What kind of sicko steals a lollipop decorated by children? Utterly disgusting.

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Written by Paddy

January 9, 2010 at 12:30 pm

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